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Creative Ways to dump your Move-In Girlfriend

A friend of ours wrote in asking advice for how to get rid of his girlfriend
who was blatantly taking advantage of him. She began to move in with him
without his permission. She’d borrow money, go out with other guys, was
never there for him when he did want to spend time with her and just seemed
to be a crashing live-in bum, moving stuff into his place without asking,
out of work, partying all night, spending all his money. He’s a nice hard
working guy, older than her and she was obviously taking advantage of his
kindness. So we compiled this list for him.

While he didn’t discuss which techniques he used, he did eventually get
rid of her. But this list, generated in a humorous manner, I still find to be
funny and hope you all enjoy it.

Yes!  You know it.

It’s way past time to Dump her.
Here are the steps to follow:

• Borrow money from her
• Forget your wallet
• Never have money and if she asks what happens to it,
say, “you know how money goes these days.
I can’t keep track of it”

• Lipstick on the collar.
• Phone calls from strange women.
• Many anonymous hang ups.
• Have a woman call her cell phone and ask for you.
• Bring women to the apartment and say …we’re just
“friends” but in such a way that it seems more is
going on.
• Come home w/perfume on or have women’s clothes
(not hers) randomly hidden in corners, under the
couch, etc. for her to find. Then if she says anything,
growl at her and say, “Why don’t you trust me?!
I’m tired of women trying to control my life! Now
lie down and give me some sex right now!”
• Blatantly date.

• Bring home a pet that she doesn’t like, preferably large.

• Bring home a weird friend (or homeless person) and
say that they’re going to be crashing for a while in
your apartment. Of course, don’t consult with her or
ask her opinion. Then, if she bothers you about it, say,
“What? Is there someone else paying the rent around here
that I don’t know about?”

• Give her so much attention that she can’t wait to get away
from you.

• Pretend you’re into kinky sex…i.e. sado/masochism, bestiality

• Change the locks and report her as some sort of criminal
to the building and neighbors.